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The BEST Sugar Cookies & Easy Icing

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frosted+sugar+cookiesMakes 5 dozen

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 cups of butter, softened
  • 2 cups of white sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
  • 5 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons of baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon of salt

Method

  1. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth.
  2. Beat in eggs and vanilla.
  3. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt.
  4. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour (or overnight).
  5. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
  6. Roll out dough on floured surface 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick.
  7. Cut into shapes with any cookie cutter.
  8. Place cookies 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets.
  9. Bake 6 to 8 minutes in preheated oven.
  10. Cool completely.

Icing

For a dozen cookies

  • 1 cup of confectioners’ sugar
  • 2 teaspoons of milk
  • 2 teaspoons of light corn syrup
  • 1/4 teaspoon of almond extract
  • assorted food coloring

Directions

  1. In a small bowl, stir together confectioners’ sugar and milk until smooth.
  2. Beat in corn syrup and almond extract until icing is smooth and glossy. If icing is too thick, add more corn syrup.
  3. Divide into separate bowls, and add food colorings to each to desired intensity.
  4. Dip cookies, or paint them with a brush.

Enjoy!

 

Amy Schumer’s Speech – Gloria Awards and Gala

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Here I go, and if it doesn’t go well, please just don’t blog about it.

Right before I left for college, I was running my high school. Feel it. I knew where to park, I knew where to get the best chicken-cutlet sandwich, I knew which custodians had pot. People knew me. They liked me. I was an athlete and a good friend. I felt pretty, I felt funny, I felt sane. Then I got to college in Maryland. My school was voted number one … for the hottest freshman girls in Playboy that year. And not because of me. All of a sudden, being witty and charismatic didn’t mean shit. Day after day, I could feel the confidence drain from my body. I was not what these guys wanted. They wanted thinner, blonder, dumber … My sassy one-liners were only working on the cafeteria employees, who I was visiting all too frequently, tacking on not the Freshman 15, but the 30, in record-breaking time, which led my mother to make comments over winter break like, “You look healthy!” I was getting no male attention, and I’m embarrassed to say, it was killing me.

But one guy paid me some attention — Matt. Matt was six feet tall, he looked like a grown-up von Trapp child, and he was five years older than me. What?! An older boy, paying attention to me? I must be okay. Uff. I made him laugh in our bio lab, and I could tell a couple times that we had a vibe. He was a super senior, which is a sexy way of saying “should have graduated, but needed an extra year.” He barely spoke, which was perfect for all the projecting I had planned for him. We grew up in the same town, and getting attention from him felt like success. When I would see him on campus, my heart would race, and I would smile as he passed. I’d look in the mirror and see all the blood rise to my face. I’d spend time analyzing the interaction, and planning my outfit for the next time I saw him. I wanted him to call. He never called. But then finally, he called.

It was 8 a.m., my dorm room phone rang. “Amy, wassup? It’s Matt. Come over.” Holy shit! This is it, I thought. He woke up thinking about me! He realized we’re meant to start a life together! Let’s just stop all this pretending that we weren’t free just to love one another! I wondered, would we raise our kids in the town we both grew up in, or has he taken a liking to Baltimore? I don’t care. I’ll settle wherever he’s most comfortable. Will he want to raise our kids Jewish? Who cares? I shaved my legs in the sink, I splashed some water under my armpits, and my randomly assigned Albanian roommate stared at me from under her sheets as I rushed around our shitty dorm room. I ran right over to his place, ready for our day together. What would we do? It’s still early enough, maybe we’re going fishing? Or maybe his mom’s in town, and he wanted me to join them for breakfast. Knock-knock. Is he going to carry me over the threshold? I bet he’s fixing his hair and telling his mom, “Be cool, this may be the one!” I’ll be very sweet with her, but assert myself, so she doesn’t think she’s completely in charge of all the holiday dinners we’re going to plan together. I’ll call her by her first name, too, so she knows she can’t mess with me. “Rita! I’m going to make the green bean casserole this year, and that’s that!” Knock-knock. Ring ring. Where is he?

Finally, the door opens. It’s Matt, but not really. He’s there, but not really. His face is kind of distorted, and his eyes seem like he can’t focus on me. He’s actually trying to see me from the side, like a shark. “Hey!” he yells, too loud, and gives me a hug, too hard. He’s fucking wasted. I’m not the first person he thought of that morning. I’m the last person he called that night. I wonder, how many girls didn’t answer before he got to fat freshman me? Am I in his phone as Schumer? Probably. But I was here, and I wanted to be held and touched and felt desired, despite everything. I wanted to be with him. I imagined us on campus together, holding hands, proving, “Look! I am lovable! And this cool older guy likes me!” I can’t be the troll doll I’m afraid I’ve become.

He put on some music, and we got in bed. As that sexy maneuver where the guy pushes you on the bed, you know, like, “I’m taking the wheel on this one. Now I’m going to blow your mind,” which is almost never followed up with anything. He smelled like skunk microwaved with cheeseburgers, which I planned on finding and eating in the bathroom, as soon as he was asleep. We tried kissing. His 9 a.m. shadow was scratching my face — I knew it’d look like I had fruit-punch mouth for days after. His alcohol-swollen mouth, I felt like I was being tongued by someone who had just been given Novocain. I felt faceless, and nameless. I was just a warm body, and I was freezing cold. His fingers poked inside me like they had lost their keys in there. And then came the sex, and I use that word very loosely. His penis was so soft, it felt like one of those de-stress things that slips from your hand? So he was pushing aggressively into my thigh, and during this failed penetration, I looked around the room to try and distract myself or God willing, disassociate. What’s on the wall? A Scarface poster, of course. Mandatory. Anything else? That’s it? This Irish-Catholic son of bank teller who played JV soccer and did Mathletes feels the most connection with a Cuban refugee drug lord. The place looked like it was decorated by an overeager set designer who took the note “temporary and without substance” too far.

He started to go down on me. That’s ambitious, I think. Is it still considered getting head if the guy falls asleep every three seconds and moves his tongue like an elderly person eating their last oatmeal? Chelsea? Is it? Yes? It is. I want to scream for myself, “Get out of here, Amy. You are beautiful, you are smart, and worth more than this. This is not where you stay.” I feel like Fantine and Cosette and every fucking sad French woman from Les Miz. And whoever that cat was who sang “Memories,” what was that musical? Suze Orman just goes, “Cats.” The only wetness between my legs is from his drool, because he’s now sleeping and snoring into me. I sigh, I hear my own heartbreak, I fight back my own tears, and then I notice a change in the music. Is this just a bagpipe solo? I shake him awake. “Matt, what is this? The Braveheart soundtrack? Can you put something else on, please?” He wakes up grumpily, falls to the floor, and crawls. I look at his exposed butt crack, a dark, unkempt abyss that I was falling into. I felt paralyzed. His asshole is a canyon, and this was my 127 Hours. I might chew my arm off.

I could feel I was losing myself to this girl in this bed. He stood up and put a new CD on. “Darling, you send me, I know you send me, honest, you do …” I’m thinking, “What is this?” He crawled back into bed, and tried to mash at this point his third ball into my vagina. On his fourth thrust, he gave up and fell asleep on my breast. His head was heavy and his breath was so sour, I had to turn my head so my eyes didn’t water. But they were watering anyway, because of this song. Who is this? This is so beautiful. I’ve never heard these songs before. They’re gutting me. The score attached to our morning couldn’t have been more off. His sloppy, tentative lovemaking was certainly not in the spirit of William Wallace. And now the most beautiful love songs I’ve ever heard play out as this man-boy laid in my arms, after diminishing me to a last-minute booty call. I listened to the songs and I cried. I was looking down at myself from the ceiling fan. What happened to this girl? How did she get here? I felt the fan on my skin and I went, “Oh, wait! I am this girl! We got to get me out of here!” I became my own fairy godmother. I waited until the last perfect note floated out, and escaped from under him and out the door. I never heard from Matt again, but felt only grateful for being introduced to my new self, a girl who got her value from within her. I’m also grateful to Matt for introducing me to my love Sam Cooke, who I’m still with today.

Now I feel strong and beautiful. I walk proudly down the streets of Manhattan. The people I love, love me. I make the funniest people in the country laugh, and they are my friends. I am a great friend and an even better sister. I have fought my way through harsh criticism and death threats for speaking my mind. I am alive, like the strong women in this room before me. I am a hot-blooded fighter and I am fearless. But I did morning radio last week, and a DJ asked, “Have you gained weight? You seem chunkier to me. You should strike while the iron is hot, Amy.” And it’s all gone. In an instant, it’s all stripped away. I wrote an article for Men’s Health and was so proud, until I saw instead of using my photo, they used one of a 16-year-old model wearing a clown nose, to show that she’s hilarious. But those are my words. What about who I am, and what I have to say? I can be reduced to that lost college freshman so quickly sometimes, I want to quit. Not performing, but being a woman altogether. I want to throw my hands in the air, after reading a mean Twitter comment, and say, “All right! You got it. You figured me out. I’m not pretty. I’m not thin. I do not deserve to use my voice. I’ll start wearing a burqa and start waiting tables at a pancake house. All my self-worth is based on what you can see.” But then I think, Fuck that. I am not laying in that freshman year bed anymore ever again.  I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say. I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story — I will. I will speak and share and fuck and love and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it. I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.

Fuchsia

The weather may be dull, but your lips shouldn’t be. Brighten up with #fuchsia.

Fuschia lipsSmashbox Be Legendary Lipstick $20

Make Up For Ever Rouge Artist Intense in Satin Fuchsia $23

Maybelline Super Stay 14 Hour Lipstick $8.99

MAC Lipstick $16

Josie Maran Argan Love Your Lips Hydrating Lipstick $22

Yves Saint Laurent ROUGE VOLUPTÉ – Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick SPF 15 $35

Makeup & Hair Tutorial

Kim-Kardashian-North-West-Givenchy-Fashion-Show

bybel

Thus far my favorite makeup tutorial by Carli Bybel, Kim Kardashian’s look from the Givenchy Fashion Show.   I actually prefer this look on Carli!  It’s also a great look for holiday parties and New Year’s eve!

  1. Hard Candy Primer Perfecting HERE (Applied with Sigma F50)
  2. Chanel Perfection Lumiere in #70 HERE mixed with MDT Shade Upgrade Foundation Booster (Applied with Sigma F55)
  3. WL Brow Bar
  4. Anastasia Beverly Hills Clear Brow Gel (Blend with Beauty Blender)
  5. Anastasia Contour Kit to Contour
  6. Laura Mercier Concealer SC3 (Applied with Sigma F05)
  7. MAC Pigment in Melon (cheaper dupe of Melon HERE)
  8. Too Faced Cat Eyes Palette: Tigers Eye & Leopard HERE
  9. Brushes Used on Eyes: E70 E40 E45 E30 (applied with Sigma F25)
  10. Sigma Black Gel Liner WICKED & Brush: HERE
  11. Ardel Lashes Wispies
  12. L’oreal Telescopic Mascara
  13. Kiko Black Eye Liner
  14. Revlon Blush in Wine Not
  15. The Balm Mary Luminizer
  16. MAC Liner in Plum
  17. MAC Lipstick in MidiMauve
  18. Laura Mercier Radiance Baked Body Bronzer

 

Pastéis de Nata – Portuguese Custard Tarts

pasteis de nata

Ingredients

  • 1 whole egg (large)
  • 2 egg yolks (large)
  • 115g golden caster sugar
  • 2 tbsp cornflour
  • 400ml full fat (creamy) milk
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 sheet ready rolled puff pastry

Method

  1. Lightly grease a 12 hole muffin tin and pre-heat oven to 180C
  2. Put egg, yolks, sugar & cornflour in a pan and mix well together then gradually add the milk until mixture is well mixed and smooth.
  3. Place pan on medium heat and stir constantly until mixture thickens and comes to the boil. Remove pan from heat and stir in vanilla extract.
  4. Put custard in a glass/ceramic bowl to cool and cover with cling film to prevent skin forming.
  5. Cust pastry sheet into two pieces and place them on top of each other. Roll the pastry tightly, from the short side, into a log and cut the log into 12 even sized rounds.
  6. On a lightly floured board, roll each round into a disc (approx. 10cm) and press the pastry discs into the muffin tin.
  7. Spoon in the cooled custard and bake for 20-25mins until golden on top. Leave to cool in the tin for 5mins then move to a cooling rack to finish cooling although they can be eaten warm.

Enjoy!

Kimye’s Affordable Wedding Makeup

kimye wedding makeup kimye wm

Make up by Mario Dedivanovic

  1. Urban Decay’s Naked Skin Liquid Foundation ($39).
  2. Urban Decay’s Naked Flushed Highlighter, Bronzer & Blush ($30), an amazing 3-in-1 palette.

For her gorgeous eyes, which Kim loves to play up, Mario used the following:

  1. Urban Decay Ink for Eyes Waterproof Precision Eye Pen ($20).
  2. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Original ($20).
  3. Urban Decay Perversion Mascara.
  4. Kardashian Beauty Individual Lashes ($14.60).
  5. L’Oréal Paris Infallible Eyeshadow in Eternal Sunshine ($7.99).
  6. Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow Pomade ($18).

Kim usually wears a neutral color on her lips, especially when she is playing up her eyes. Mario says he used:

  1. Kardashian Beauty Honey Stick Lipgloss in Natural Honey ($8.99).
  2. L’Oréal Paris Colour Riche Extraordinaire Liquid Lipcolour in Nude Ballet (during the reception — only $9.99!).

Michelle Williams – Ozmazing

Williams_Oz

Make up artist Vivian Baker transformed actress Michelle Williams into an ethereal Glinda the Good Witch on Oz: The Great and Powerful

Skincare

  • Epicuren Herbal Cleanser
  • Koh Gen Do Oriental Plants Deep Moisture Mask
  • Koh Gen Do Oriental Plants Emollient Cream
  • Koh Gen Do Oriental Plants Skin Lotion
  • Clé de Peau Beauté Absolute Eye Makeup Remover  
  • La Mer The Eye Balm

Skincare was a key part of the make-up. Rich moisture was needed to maintain Michelle’s skin, which was added periodically with the [Koh Gen Do] Skin Lotion.  Nightly cleansing was done with the Clarisonic PLUS Sonic Skin Cleansing System.

  1. Foundation: Guerlain Lingerie de Peau Invisible Skin-Fusion Foundation in Beige Clair, and Clé de Peau Beauté Cream Foundation in I10 on areas that needed a little extra coverage. 
  2. Concealer:  Guerlain Precious Light Rejuvenating Illuminator in 02.
  3. Powder:  Sensai Loose Powder, lightly brushed; Make Up For Ever HD Microfinish Powder; and the pressed powder for on set was Koh Gen Do Maifanshi Pressed Powder. 
  4. Blush: Benefit Dandelion, and Paul and Joe #31 on the apples of the cheeks (this shade is no longer available; Baker suggests Dolce & Gabbana The Blush Luminous Cheek Colour in Peach as a comparable color.)
  5. Eye Shadow:  Clé de Peau Beauté Cream Eye Color in Champagne on her lid (this shade is no longer available), followed by Becca Créme Eye Colour in Antique Gold in her crease, then intensified with Stila Eye Shadow in Puppy. Chanel Ombre Essentielle Soft Touch Eyeshadow in Ivory was used under the brows. 
  6. Eye Liner:  Sensai Liquid Eyeliner in LE01, the best pen liner on the market, as a very thin line at the base of her lashes, both top and bottom. 
  7. Brows: Becca Brow Powder in Light and Fair.
  8. Mascara:  Curl the lashes, then add a good coat of  Yves Saint Laurent Volume Effet Faux Cils in Deep Night, top and bottom. 
  9. False Lashes:  Apply individual lashes – a layer of Ardell Duralash Flare lashes in Short Black, then a layer of Ardell Duralash Flare lashes in Medium Black. The bottom lashes were thick extension individuals that are six millimeters long; there were about five lower lashes on each eye.
  10. Lips:  Bobbi Brown Lip Liner in Beige and Rodin Olio Lusso Lip Balm
  11. Highlights / Contour: Chanel Illusion D’ombre in Fantasme was the white highlight that went under her brow bone, on the inner corner of the eyes and on the cheekbones.
  12. Body make-up: M.A.C. Micronized Airbrush Formula in NC20 followed by Premiere Products Inc. Skin Illustrator Alchemy Palette in Platinum.
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